Why Do I Have Zero Confidence

    Achievement confident free freedom

    I will try and be as specific as possible, but I am not going to really be able to go into detail on each section.

    1. My inner critic is much louder than my inner father

    Love above all. My son and I. A picture taken in my mother’s house in Kinshasa

    I don’t know how to do things well and that is why I am so insecure about myself.

    The inner critic is much louder than the inner father, and it is to the point that I am convinced that everyone is just judging me.

    By constantly comparing myself to others, I try to convince myself that I am not as good as others.

    I see other people have a million followers, a much bigger following, and a lot more readers, and I see people who make way more money than me, and I am constantly reminded that they are “better” than me.

    I have to constantly remind myself that I am not a failure.

    Every time I make a mistake, I end up coming up with excuses why it was my fault.

    “It was my fault because I was overconfident and made a stupid decision” or “It was my fault because I was doing something stupid and caused a mistake.”

    I end up using myself as an excuse for everything that I do wrong.

    Just like this friend of mine who is much smarter than I am, I look to others to validate myself.

    But then I end up becoming lazy and just making the same mistakes over and over. I never take the time to learn how to do something well.

    I end up wasting my time comparing myself to others. I end up comparing myself to my friends, to my bosses, to other bloggers.

    I end up comparing myself to other bloggers and not focusing on becoming a better blogger.

    2. I want to follow the crowd, but I don’t know how to do it

    Friends near a forest

    I want to follow the crowd, but I don’t know how to do it.

    A lot of times I like to read what other bloggers have to say. I like to hear what other bloggers have to say, but then I don’t do the research and write my own post.

    I do not want to be a copycat. I am a unique individual and I like to stand out.

    I just want to follow the crowd and be like everyone else, but I don’t know how to do it.

    I oftentimes will like to read what other bloggers have to say.

    I will say,

    “Hey, I want to read your blog post. Do you mind if I read it?”

    And most bloggers will respond,

    “Sure! I am happy to see that you are reading my blog. Would you mind if I read it too?”

    That is a tempting offer, right? But then I get impatient, and I get frustrated, and I get into a “what’s mine is mine” mentality, and I don’t write anything.

    I will let them read my post and then I won’t write anything.

    Or, I will write the post, but it will not be my own unique style or a unique topic.

    I will end up writing an over-polished, thought out, style and topic that I read someone else talk about.

    I end up following the crowd, but I don’t know how to do it.

    3. I’m just not passionate about my topic, I am not talented enough

    Not a known Avenue

    I will listen to others’ success stories and I’ll get inspired. They’ll say something like,

    “Hey, I just got back from Hawaii. I’m going to be in California for the next week, but I will be back again. We’ll see how things go.”

    And then they’ll go.

    And then I will look at myself, and I will think, “I wish I was like that. I wish I was that famous blogger.”

    I will want to believe that it is all in my head and that if I tried really hard, I could have my own success story like that.

    But that is the problem.

    I am not creative.

    I do not have any talent.

    I am lazy and a perfectionist and I want to give up way too quickly.

    I think if I try hard enough, I’ll become good at something. But the only true way is if I actually take action.

    I need to just get started and put myself out there.

    When I first started this blog, I struggled. I struggled to write posts and struggle to have my voice be heard.

    I struggled to see myself as an author.

    I just wrote one post at a time.

    But now, I have about 60 posts on this blog. I have about 6,000 followers. I am getting out there. I am doing things.

    I am creating something that is not me.

    I am creating something that is really becoming me.

    If you want to follow the crowd, the easiest way to do that is to be like everyone else.

    The easiest way to create a popular blog is to write lots of posts and share it all.

    And that is probably how most bloggers are doing it, but I don’t think it’s the way that works for me.